Thud and Squish

Besides sounding like two names for some seriously unfortunate adventurous heroes, "thud and squish" is probably the best description of what's going on inside my thoracic cavity (don't Google that term unless you're prepared to look at gross anatomy... yes I Googled it to make sure it meant what I thought it meant).
I could also describe this attempt at trying to understand myself by writing about myself as a way to take what's all up in my frontal lobe and smear it on some kind of medium. Like all of the gutsy descriptions?
Oh, my gosh, (CAVEAT)
Thud and Squish can be two heroes that deal in the dirty underbelly of the world. They are alter-egos for two people who by daylight are ordinary garbage men, but they moonlight as alleyway protectors and investigate all kinds of scum.

(END OF CAVEAT)

Can you tell that things inside of me at the moment aren't all fuzzy and clean?
Right now, I'm recovering from being somewhat internally, emotionally, and rationally dislocated and slimy.
Like when you get done at the gym, and you're really sweaty and gross, and you overworked your shoulder, so it feels just out of place, and it bothers you, so you keep rolling your shoulder blade around, hoping it will pop back into a place where it feels normal?

Yeah, that feeling. That popping-your-knuckles-but-it-doesn't-make-them-feel-better-only-like-they-need-more-popping kind of feeling.
You know what I'm talking about.
That's what I feel like on the inside.

So, I can't quite put my finger on it. When I think I get it back in place, it just keeps moving on me, dislocation again, and making me feel all wormy and uncomfortable inside.
But I keep trying to put a finger on it, because what else am I supposed to do?
So, I put a finger on it today, and it went "thud" and then it squished under the pressure.
I've been trying to put my internal limbs of my personality and emotions back into some semblance of an order I find comforting and familiar, with very slow progress, for months. And months. Actually, for over a year now.

Something. Just. Doesn't. Fit.
So, to maybe draw a general circle around the thing that I can't put my finger on, I will share some quotes that have stuck out to me recently and see if I can see any kind of pattern or conclusion.

"I know the reason why I feel so blessed/ My heart still splashes inside my chest/ She's like a top/ She cannot stop/ She moves on." -- Paul Simon "She Moves On"

"They tell you how you're supposed to love God. Don't let anyone tell you how you're supposed to love anyone. " - Mom

"You can see things that I can't see, and that bothers me." - Me